Today was my follow up appointment with the 2 PAs for my doctors at the South Jordan Huntsman location. I was all set to get my drains out, only to find out that I need to wait until the drainage is at the minimum amount for 3 DAYS!!! Whaaaat???? I did not know it had to be for 3 days, so I had big plans for what I was going to do without having the proverbial ball and chainlike features coming out of both my right butt cheek and below my breast. I feel so disappointed, even though I get to try again on Monday but seriously such a bummer.
My journey continues
Friday, August 12, 2022
Still Tethered . . .
Saturday, August 6, 2022
Healing with the Best News Ever!
Thursday I made it home from the hospital about 12:30 after a very uncomfortable car ride. Turns out it is very difficult to sit on one bun or lay down in the car ;) - especially with a seatbelt on.
I was so happy to see my sweet kids who made me a cute card and were so eager to help me with whatever I needed - they were fighting over it actually :). It is seriously so nice to be in my own bed with all the amenities!
I am doing pretty well except for the pain in my butt, which is worse than the pain in my boob :). Trying to find a comfortable position to sit or lay is hard. It feels better to stand and walk around but then I get tired. The hardest thing right now is the lack of mobility from the fatigue and the drains I have in me. Luckily, I get to have the them out soon - probably Friday when I go for my follow up appointment.
I am grateful to my parents, some good friends and of course my husband who came to the hospital, brought me food and just helped the time go by faster. Did you know that flowers aren't allowed in ICU? At least at Huntsman, so sadly, I didn't get to have them during my stay :(.
Thursday, August 4, 2022
Great News!
I am officially busting out of this place today! So happy for everyone involved to not have to drive so far to see me and bring me things :). So excited to be able to get a good night’s sleep without all the poking, prodding and meds.
First thing I’m going to do when I’m home is hug my kids (very gently) and then have my husband wash all of my blankets and pillows - since I brought 3 of each. One of them is a cooling comforter that everyone here is dying over how awesome it is. It’s call the cooling Rest Duvet and it is truly so amazing if you want something for photoflashes, etc: https://www.restduvet.com I also have a heated blanket that is really great since I go from one extreme to the other. Click HERE if you want to check it out.
Since this is not my first rodeo, I decided to make everything better by bringing the comforts of home. So I brought my own food, surgical clothing, earplugs, eye patch for sleep and even my own toilet paper. Having these has truly made a huge different! And thanks to my wonderful husband for being willing to cart all of my stuff here for me!
Tuesday, August 2, 2022
Hello from Huntsman ICU
I get to stay here in ICU one more night and then most likely will be transferred to the regular unit sometime tomorrow. Things are 1000% better than the first time I had this surgery at IMC over 11 years ago.
Huntsman is just so organized and has such well trained staff. I’ve seen doctors 3, maybe 4 times already today. My nurses have been excellent. And my mom and Derek have been here, along with my friend Kelly.
The nurse is astounded at my ability to move as much as I am. And also trying to train me not to move my right side - a very tall order for someone who is right handed :). Currently I am sitting in a hospital bed that transforms into a chair. I was thrilled to get out of bed and walk around a bit a few times today.
The surgery was about 8-9 hours and so I am pretty loopy with the anesthesia still in my system, along with pain killers. They are monitoring my heart rate and blood pressure vigorously and they listen to the surgical site every hour to make sure it’s healing correctly. It’s so exciting to know that I’ve almost made it through one day already!!
Monday, August 1, 2022
I'm Coming for you Cancer!
Twas the night before surgery and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for me and the mouse;
My bags are all packed and the food made with care - in hopes my new body soon will be here;
The children are nestled all snug in their beds;
While insomniac vibes dance through my head;
I decided to pull an all-nighter since I have to be at Huntsman at 6 a.m. and so I’m looking forward to taking a very long nap since surgery will be 8-9 hours ;). I get to be the first and only surgery in the room for tomorrow. My first surgeon will work tediously to take out every last bit of breast tissue and test a few lymph nodes to ensure there is no cancer spreading. Which, thankfully is extremely doubtful, since technically I am stage 0.
Then the plastic surgeon and another doctor will flip me over to cut a nice slice of my right butt cheek out to make a new breast. Nice side benefit - I get a bit of a butt lift like I did on the left side 11 years ago. It will be nice to match :).
They will then flip me over again and connect blood vessels from my butt to my breast area so that the tissue will have a blood supply and live. This surgery is rare but it has a very high success rate (there is a 3-5% fail rate), which means the tissue doesn’t survive. For this reason, I will be in ICU for 24 hours so that they can watch me closely and keep the room super warm - yikes, not a fun thing since I also cannot eat or drink until Tuesday, just in case they need to do another surgery.
My sweet husband is going to be staying overnight with me this time - I was thrilled to find out that he is allowed to do this at Huntsman, even in the ICU. I know it will be a sleepless night for both of us, but it is so comforting to know that he will be there. I feel like I have an army of people praying and supporting me through this and I am so touched and thankful.
I have talked briefly with my kids before today about my surgery but tonight at dinner, we prepped them for the week since I’ll be at the hospital until Thursday or Friday. We had some special moments and I was able to receive a priesthood blessing from my dad and husband. What an incredible thing to have the powers of Heaven brought down to bring me comfort and guide the hands that are helping me.
Thanks for reading, I love knowing that people care enough to read!
Tuesday, July 19, 2022
Surgery Coming Soon
I had my pre-op today for surgery - which is officially scheduled now for August 1st. Whoo hoo! Not that I’m excited for the recovery but I am excited to get this show on the road and have the cancer out of my body. My sweet son, Kimball has been asking so many questions and worried because he knows I will be in the hospital for 4-5 days. Apparently he has overheard me talking to people about cancer, so he wanted to know all about it. I try to take pictures for him and explain whatever I can to help him learn and put his mind at ease. I'm gonna miss these cute faces while I'm at the hospital, but they are my inspiration!
Monday, July 11, 2022
Finally!!!
I finally met with my new breast surgeon today, Dr. Jane Porretta. This has been a long awaited appointment and the reality of my situation hit me a bit harder than expected this morning. It was surreal to be back at Huntsman for treatment after coming there for the past 11 years for my first rodeo and then follow ups that were thankfully, always clean until this last one.
Going through this with 3 precious littles and a wonderful husband by my side this time, has really made me slow down and enjoy each moment I have with them. I hope and pray I can remember this even when I am past the worst of it. I recognize that there are many going through cancer and other trials that are much worse and so I am humbled by my good news.
Wednesday, July 6, 2022
Reconstruction
Tuesday, June 14, 2022
Time to Dust off the Blog . . .
The best thing I heard this week is: “the 2nd cancer won’t kill you but the first one might”. I found great comfort in these words because most people (including me) feel shocked and devastated at a second cancer diagnosis. I am actually feeling the opposite now that I’ve had a chance to recover from the shock of hearing the news. I truly believe that the kind prayers, thoughts and messages from so many is what has helped me feel peace and be able to move forward with a clear mind and heart to seek solutions.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Faith, Hope and My Kind of Courage.
I often have delayed emotional reactions to both good and bad things that happen – and finding out that I'm pregnant has proved to be no different. At the age of almost 44, I can’t believe I am going to be a mother, after so many years of waiting, wondering and believing it likely wasn’t even possible?! But I am here to testify that no matter what your circumstances in life or how difficult things are, the Lord does consecrate our afflictions for our good. Yes, even when our pain and suffering seem endless and pointless, there is always a way for us to ultimately find the gift in our suffering.
No, it certainly didn’t feel like a "gift" when I found myself divorced at the age of 29, as I was climbing out of the depression that hit and a mountain of debt to pay off from my marriage. And it didn’t feel like something the Lord could consecrate for my good when I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer tumor at the age of 38. As a single woman, trying to attract a good man and facing the new reality that I was going to lose a good chunk of my female anatomy as well as my hair, with very little hope for being able to have children, I was devastated. And as I have experienced the ups and downs of being an entrepreneur, with fears of not being able to pay rent or make payroll, or fix things with an upset customer - and more sleepless nights than I care to admit – NO, it certainly didn’t appear that anything good could come from my challenges!
But you know what? Every blessing I have received has come because of or in spite of my challenges!
It has been said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Many of you out there may be feeling like your journey is much too long, too tiring and too overwhelming to keep going. I feel your pain. I know what that’s like and I know the hopelessness that comes when we are in the moment of despair and nothing seems to make sense, when we see no end to our suffering.
But I also know the great joy of not giving up, doubting our doubts and clinging to the truths we hold dear and true. I rarely feel God in the moments when I think I need Him most. For me it is usually in hindsight that I realize He let me go through the grief, pain and loneliness for His own wise purposes – perhaps so that I can learn patience, empathy, compassion and become more like Him in the process.
Remembering that He did not spare His only begotten son from the greatest suffering of all, helps me feel less picked on and more trusted that He really does have my back and knows better than I, what I need. He also knows what I want and at times He grants the desire of my heart, after I do what I can to help bring about His miracles.
Being an older mom, brings unique opportunities along with a few challenges. I’m grateful for the many friends and family who have children old enough to babysit my future kids J. And I’m thrilled to represent the women in my age group who are wondering if this blessing is still possible. In the coming months, I hope to share my journey of being a 44-year-old expectant mom of twins, with a mission to bring hope, renewed faith and increased courage to those who can benefit.
I’ve never been the most adventurous type to bungee jump, sky dive or back pack across Europe - and I’m deathly afraid of spiders and most dogs. But I know how to look a trial square in the eye and say, “game on, you’re not going to stand in my way of going after my dreams”.
Even as a shy, awkward, 8th grader, I found the strength to put my insecurities aside and go after my goals of having friends and being involved in school activities. It wasn’t easy, but I kept going because I knew that the kind of courage I had was to feel the fear and do it anyway. Being able to keep going and face the adversity that comes during those quiet hours when I’m alone with my thoughts, wondering if God is really listening – that’s my kind of courage.
I’m not saying that having courage means you get everything you want, when you want it or that life will be easy – in fact it might even be more difficult at times. But I do know that life is better with faith, hope and courage. It is my prayer that you will come to realize and embrace the hope and faith to discover whatever your kind of courage might be and allow it to guide you to what your true potential can be.