This is a reverse quote from my favorite movie Shadowlands about the life of C.S. Lewis. Through suffering and pain now we will recognize and appreciate the great happiness that is to come in the future. Today has been one of the most painful days since I started chemotherapy. I am so tired but having a hard time sleeping. Right now I wish I could go to bed and wake up to find this was all just a bad dream :).
My whole body aches like I have the flu and I keep feeling random sore spots everywhere. I contacted the Dr. on call and he hypothesized that my high blood count levels may have some part in how I feel. Amazingly my red and white blood counts are holding up so well that they almost didn't give me the Neulasta shot on Friday that boosts them. So here I am, wishing I hadn't received it and looking forward to a new day without pain.
As I am laying here I thought of these 3 great clips from the show that encompass these truths:
http://youtu.be/5GJdtzohP3c
http://youtu.be/6pUjSuoxXpg
http://youtu.be/XMpVcd9YsQo
Dear God, thank you for loving me!
He definitely does love you, Amy and they are so many of us who also do... hoping tomorrow is better and praying you can sleep soon and long and deep. Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh Ames. So sorry to hear of the pain. I wish I had some inspiring words to give you or a magic potion to make it all go away. I feel so helpless. I'm hugging my phone pretending its you. :). I too hope you can get some sleep tonight and feel a little better in the morning. You are in my prayers tonight my sister. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks you two, it helps to know I'm not alone! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteAmy, you are NOT alone. We love you, and many of us completely understand. Be sure to ask your Onc. Nurse or doctor about the 12 hour Claritin with 12 hour Aleve trick. Ask first! but that usually really helps the pain. I'm so sorry dear friend. You can do this. We're all here for you on these very very dark nights. I remember them well, but I promise you a future so bright, you WILL have to wear shades. For now, just rest when you can...if you can...and sleeping it off is the only thing you can do when you're going hour by hour. I pray that God is watching over you and holding you close in your hour of need. Love you, hope to meet you in person, and so VERY proud of you.
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ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I am praying for. I am so sorry. Hang in there. I have seen how brave you are and I know you are amazing. Try to measure time in smaller chunks and use your great humor.
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