Still Tethered . . .

Today was my follow up appointment with the 2 PAs for my doctors at the South Jordan Huntsman location. I was all set to get my drains out, only to find out that I need to wait until the drainage is at the minimum amount for 3 DAYS!!! Whaaaat???? I did not know it had to be for 3 days, so I had big plans for what I was going to do without having the proverbial ball and chainlike features coming out of both my right butt cheek and below my breast. I feel so disappointed, even though I get to try again on Monday but seriously such a bummer. 

Since I’m off pain killers, I technically could try driving but I’m still sore enough that my sweet mother in law took me and was kind enough to drive me to the post mastectomy specialty store after my appointment. This turned out to be a successful trip to get me all set up with new bras to fit my new body. I can’t wear them all quite yet but I got that little high you get when you go shopping and find things that work! And the best part - insurance pays for it!!! Definitely never had a shopping trip paid for by insurance before . . . If you’re looking for post breast cancer resources, I recommend Feminine Forms in American Fork - the ladies there have been through cancer and have options for every situation you can imagine.

Aside from my appointment today, I really haven’t left the house or tried riding in a car much. But, my boys are getting ready to start kindergarten next week, so I got to do a little outing on Thursday to meet their teacher and look around their new school. It made me so happy to see them have fun and be excited about school. 

I’m definitely still more tired than usual and get worn out. I’m still pretty sore and have limited range of motion.But I’m thankful to have help to wrangle my crazy kiddos and they have each been so sweet - saying the most precious prayers on my behalf. It is humbling to sit next to your child and hear them pray for “Mommy’s owies to be gone” and be thankful that there is "no cancer in Heaven”.

So I know I can make it a few more days with the drains, I’m just being dramatic and can’t wait to get rid of them. It is symbolic to me of moving forward in the healing process and not being tethered down by anything. If you’ve never had surgical drains, count yourself lucky. I won’t attempt to explain them fully but trust me when I say they suck - they’re a bit uncomfortable, inconvenient and well - gross. But they help your body heal by draining fluid from surgical sites.

To be honest, I feel like this is the hardest part. I hope no one takes this the wrong way but a week or two after chemo and after surgeries is the loneliest, hardest time because you’re coherent enough to realize what you’ve been through and feel more of a desire to go and do things but not healed enough to do them yet. And it seems like the most support is shown during and right after the procedures but then real life goes on and people get busy but you are still left healing. I’m thankful to those who have reached out to check on me and the many kind things you have done. My sweet friend from high school came by today and it really lifted my spirits. 

Anyhoo, I am feeling pretty good and happy with my results so far. I know I am going to need at least one follow up surgery to tweak some things and create symmetry but as I’ve mentioned before, this experience and doctor is 1000% better than last time I had cancer (what a weird thing to say?)!